NaBlo-Fail-Oh

WordPress locked me out last night–my own fault as I waited until about 11:45 to try and post.  So, May NaBlo is lost.

Meanwhile, we had big winds last night and shingles fell off our roof and R. is flipping his shit.  I prefer to wait to flip my shit until we find out if the builder will do anything about it.  We have different approaches to worrying, and so we’re annoying each other with our own ways of worrying.

This is the first time I really had to stop myself and say… we’re married now and I need to change my approach.  Instead of getting mad at how he worries about little things that nothing can be done about at that moment in time, I have to take a different approach.  I don’t know what that approach is… but I can’t keep bull-headedly go my own way and take no prisoners.  I need to reassess… to COMPROMISE.

And then he told me I was stressing him out–and that is why men die earlier than women, because wives stress their husbands out.

Compromise my ass.  He’s going down.

 

Bob Villa

My Mom always told me to marry someone handy.  My Dad is not and so my Mom does much of the home-improvement type stuff.  Still, my Dad will attempt home improvement and knows the different tools.  He’s mildly handy, my Mom is moderately handy–and I think I lean more towards mild than moderate myself.

And then there’s R.  He’s not even REMOTELY handy, so I failed on taking my mother’s advice.  And now I have to step up and become the handy one.  I started my first handy project this weekend: hanging curtains.  I was a little afraid of taking on this task because one mistake equals uneven curtains and holes in the walls.

Nevertheless, I did it–and the end result was pretty successful.

Bedroom

Bathroom (I loooove these curtains).

Messy Dining Room.  The curtain rod was too big, so I had to take off the ends.  I’ll need to figure something else out in terms of rod before I hang up the smaller curtains.

Just call me Bob Villa!

 

What Not To Do

*Get married and move into a house in the same week

*Have 3 chapters of your thesis due two weeks later

*Put off the thesis that is due two weeks after moving/wedding.

*Assign a 10 page paper to be due on your birthday, one week after your wedding/moving/etc and have to have 75 of them graded within 2 weeks.

*Let your significant other shop at Walmart

*Go to Home Depot for a fridge (curbside delivery, wha?)

*Forget your $100 gift card at home when you purchase your fridge

*Wait until you get the keys of your house to call for TV/Internet hookup.

*Shop for fruits/veggies at Shnucks on a Sunday night.

 

1892

More and more, I wish I lived in 1892.  When I tell people this, they ask me–but what about computers, TV, indoor PLUMBING?  And, yes, it would be unfortunate not to have those things–but if you never had ‘em, you wouldn’t miss ‘em.

The appeal of 1892 is that you were in charge of your life, man.

There were not banks telling you that you need copies of CHECKS YOU’VE DEPOSITED in order to close on your house in 1 WEEK even though your bank says it will take that week to get the damn checks.  Ahem.

If there was, say, water leaking into the basement you were in the midst of building–you would fix it, because you would be the builder.  You wouldn’t sit and stew and wonder and wait for the walk through for them to talk you out of  worrying that your basement will implode the minute you sign your name to the house.  In fact, there would be no signing.  Hell, live long enough on some land and it is YOURS.

And there would be no cell phones, so your fiancee could not call you thirty times while you’re TEACHING to bitch and yell and be a general DOWNER about both situations.

Everything will work out.  We can only do what we can do.

 

Dialogue

R: Can I tell you something very important?

Me: Yes.

R: My uniforms in the closet are clean and pressed.

Me: Okay?

R: Please do not put them on and wear them while you are drunk. And please, PLEASE, do not post the pictures on Facebook.

Me: …That never happened

R: Promise, or I will take the vodka.

Me: Okay, I promise.

Bachelorette Party Tonight! Vodka + Gilmore Girls = Way Better Than A Stripper.

 

I Knew It Would Come In Handy

I have a mind for trivia.  This is why I love Jeopardy.  And also, Trivial Pursuit.  And just about anything revolving around trivia.  This is also why the only person who will play me in Trivial Pursuit who is one of my best friends who is the only person I’ve played with who can *almost* beat me (it’s her knowledge of European History that gives her a leg up on the others).  Luckily, my knowledge of sports, literature, and old TV generally keeps me ahead of the game.

Besides freaking people out and/or making people mad–my trivia has never come in handy for me.  My parents are trivia-ers, but they poo-poo the good stuff like books and concentrate on the pop culture.  I dig it all.  So, despite passing on some good brain genes for useless knowledge, they haven’t helped me out in the usefulness translation either.

However, there is this thing around these parts (perhaps around the nation–though I had never heard of them until we moved here) called Trivia Night.  It is usually a fundraiser for a school or something–and you buy seats to play trivia.  Since I don’t have kids in school (or kids at all) and I’m generally not charitable, I thought this day would never come.

R. has signed us up for a trivia night with some of his coworkers.  It isn’t for a few months, but I am stoked.  (I think I am actually a little more excited about it than my wedding… I hope that’s just invite frustration talking).  It is the first thing that I see as truly “adult” that I am 100% excited about.  I mean, I am excited to get married and have a house, but with those excitement comes fear and nerves.  Trivia Night, on the other hand, I WILL DOMINATE–No fear, no nerves.  It is my one skill I am totally confident and comfortable in.  If only it were a more translatable skill.

 

Adulthood Lesson

This weekend was a bit of a roller coaster.  The biggest dip was finding out our house is not going to be done until the middle of April…. even though the sales lady assured us it would be March–which is when our lease ends!

She was all, “They won’t tell you this, but it’ll be done by March.  They can’t put that on the paper–they’ll have to put March/April to be safe, but they’re always done in 90 days.  Really, REALLY, they will be done by March.”  Over and over.  There would be No! Problem! Being! Done! In! March!  (She talks with a lot of exclamation).  “We will get you in by March!” She giggled maniacally.

Unhappy with the progress of the house in the past few weeks, R. and I finally sucked it up and went in to talk to her.  And she went on and on about “how fast” our house has gone up.  “Can you believe how fast it’s going?” she demanded.

R. and I kind of looked at each other because, um, they’ve been working on shingling the roof for about 3 weeks-and while I realize weather really slowed them down–they had NO trouble roofing the ranch down the street that started 3-4 weeks after our house did.  To me–that’s not really FAST.

“I guess the weather has been a hold up,” she finally agreed really reluctantly.  Then she told us our scheduled closing dates.

16. Days. After. We. Were. Supposed. To

3. Days. After. Our. Wedding

3. More. Days. Off. Despite. Not. Having. Subs

Living. With. Parents. For. 2+. weeks. without. R. including. after. we’re. married.

I’ll admit it, I lost my shit last night–if you can’t tell by all those misplaced periods.  There was some throwing of things and some yelling.

Luckily, R. is very wonderful and went and got our lease extended another month today and it will only cost about 200$ more than our usual rent.  I have recollected some of my shit.

But, I have learned a valuable adult lesson: Don’t trust sales ladies.

 

100th Post

This is my 100th post.  Woo.  That’s pretty good for a blog that started just over 3 months ago.  Thinking of my 100th post brought to mind kindergarten and how we celebrated the 100th day of school, you know?  Counting 100 Cheerios and marshmallows and doing all sorts of hundredsy things.

So, I tried to come up with something along the same lines.  I thought I could take pictures of things in hundreds (like the hundreds of snowflakes that are supposed to descend in hours—crossing my fingers for a snow day tomorrow—or the hundreds of skittles in the 56 ounce bag my Mom bought me at Costco).  I thought about doing 100 things, or posting 100 times on the 100th day.  Perhaps listening to 100 songs and listing them for you.  I could eat those 100 skittles and blog each bite.  I even thought of giving out one hundred hugs, but I hate to hug, even people I know. So many options—and yet, I settled for the most boring one.

You’re hereby invited to the 100th post edition of 100 things about me!

1.    My name is Nicole
2.    My birthday is in April, meaning my birthstone is diamond and I am a Taurus.
3.    I live in Missouri
4.    I have lived in 4 states (Missouri, Iowa, Illinois, Nebraska)
5.    My favorite candy is tropical punch Now & Laters
6.    I do not like potatoes (unless they are French fried)
7.    Clowns scare the bejeezus out of me.
8.    I grow vegetables (tomatoes and peppers last summer)
9.    When I was a baby, I enjoyed baby food carrots and sweet potatoes so much that I began to tint orange.
10.    In my 25 (almost 26) years, I have lived in roughly 20 different houses/apartments.
11.    I like to tell people that.
12.    On my first day of 8th grade in a new school, I had to sit in ISS because my old school did not forward my shot records.  I sat in that empty room, crying and trying to read The Sun Also Rises. My Mom later told me she brought my records at 9am—yet I sat there ALL DAY.  I will never forgive that school.
13.    When R. first asked me out—I was totally clueless and invited all of our coworkers on our “date.”  A mutual friend had to explain to me that he was actually asking me out on a date.
14.    I used to be obsessed with the show Friends.  I wore Central Perk and that picture of them eating ice cream T-shirts.  In high school.  It is no wonder that I never had a date.
15.    My favorite book of all time is Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver.  It saved my soul.
16.    Speaking of books, I love romance novels—but only those by Nora Roberts.
17.    Speaking of romance novels, I’ve written four completed romance novels and self-published them.
18.    However, I cannot write a sex scene to save my life.
19.    Therefore, I do not send them in to real publishers.
20.    NaNoWriMo ’02 was the first time I’d actually ever finished one of my novels.
21.    I love chocolate cupcakes.
22.    I wish I could go on Jeopardy (I promise I would not tell a lame story!)
23.    My Friends knowledge severely scares my future in-laws.
24.    When I was in elementary school, I named my bike Lightening and pretended he was a horse as I rode through the neighborhood without a helmet.
25.    I played with Barbies… until 7th grade.
26.    For 2 or 3 months, I came home and watched the animated Anastasia every day after school.  I was in high school.  This may also explain the no-date thing.
27.    My Grandpa owns an airport for antique planes.
28.    He also has a dog cemetery around his house.  (One dog has its own stone).
29.    Violas are my favorite flower.
30.    Sweet Valley High was a large writing influence.
31.    I had the Saved by The Bell board game.  It was as awesome as you might imagine.
32.    I also had the Sweet Valley High board game, also awesome.  I was always Elizabeth.
33.    I once pushed my sister into a wall, causing her to crack part of her head open and required a small amount of stitches.  Oops.
34.    I kind of used to be in love with Harrison Ford.  Luckily, I am over it.
35.    Ditto David Schwimmer.
36.    I could watch Band of Brothers over and over and over and over.
37.    The coolest place I’ve ever been is Hawaii.
38.    I have never left the U.S
39.    I have never broken a bone (knock on wood).
40.    I believe in God.
41.    I do not go to church.
42.    I am letting my Mom plan about 95% of my wedding—because I hate planning things.
43.    I used to sell drunk people beer because I was afraid of their reaction otherwise.
44.    I don’t hate cops.
45.    My senior year of high school I was involved in a club called Youth in Government.  I was a lobbyist and managed to kill a pro-gun bill.
46.    I was then voted most likely to beat up the kid with the pro-gun bill.
47.    I currently (and probably for the majority of my future) live with a gun in the apartment/house.  (Because I live with a cop).
48.    I don’t go 24 hours without a pop.
49.    When I moved to St. Louis, I promised myself I would never call pop soda—I’m about a ½ and ½ -er now.  Sometimes it’s pop—sometimes soda.
50.    I stole 2 books from Truman’s library—I still got my diploma.
51.    When I was in 5th grade, I was determined I would become the first woman major league baseball player—apparently you have to practice a lot and be good, though.
52.    I have a Bo Hart jersey (you are awesome if you know who he is).
53.    I wish I had a Joe McEwing jersey.
54.    I hate Tony Larussa
55.    When I worked at a state park with R. I would bring goldfish everyday in my lunch.  One day, my Mom bought Garfield shaped goldfish.  I took them in my lunch, but didn’t like them.  R. said I was crazy, they were the same thing.  Four years later, R. still brings this up.  I like to think it’s what made me irresistible to him.
56.    When I was in middle school, my sister and I used to watch Oklahoma! Constantly and try to do the “Kansas City” dance.
57.    We also made a “American Gladiator” type obstacle course in our basement and pretended to be on the show.
58.    In 7th grade, I was on the middle school basketball team.  At the end of our season, the morning announcements went through our point stats.  I was last.  Nicole: 1.  Technically, I had made both free throws, but I stepped over the line voiding the second.
59.    My best friend in elementary school and middle school ate grass and sucked on rocks.
60.    She also got me to read Elf Quest (If you know what that is… I’m a little scared).
61.    On my 22nd birthday, a guy followed me and my friends home from the bars and took his pants off in our yard.  He started banging his head on our door and I had to call the cops.  It was the best night ever.
62.    I almost choked to death on a starlight mint… twice.  I coughed it out once in a grocery store parking lot, the other time my aunt had to give me the Heimlich.
63.    For my sixteenth birthday, I asked for (and got) a kerosene lamp.
64.    I would often light it in my room and imagine I was a pioneer.
65.    I used to write historical fiction (romance).
66.    I used to collect unicorns—a collection my Grandma started me on and I haven’t added to since she died.
67.    She also gave me most of her santa collection, which I continue to add to.
68.    My greatest ambition for my future (aside from having kids) is to own a barn.
69.    And grow enough fruits and vegetables to live off of.
70.    As much as I want to go local and organic—I don’t recycle.  (Will in the new house though!)
71.    The most relaxing vacation I ever had was Hilton Head.
72.    I failed my permit test the first time I took it.
73.    I hate hockey.
74.    I hate James Joyce—spawn of Satan
75.    I still hold a grudge against the professor who gave me a B in Contemporary Lit even though I got an A on every assignment.
76.    I have seen every episode of more shows than I can count—Friends, Caroline in the City, Brady Bunch, Petticoat Junction, Hogan’s Heroes, Ed, Early Edition and so on…
77.    I would stalk Kyle Chandler without any qualms.
78.    I own three CDs that are made up solely of Civil War music.
79.    I worked as a waitress for 3 weeks—those were possibly the most miserable 3 weeks ever.
80.    I am a Democrat
81.     If Clinton gets the nod, I’ll vote for her.  It might kill my Grandfather.
82.    In the 2000 election, I originally voted for Al Gore but the ticket thing didn’t work.  I took it as a sign and voted for Ralph Nader.
83.    I hate giving out D’s and F’s—even to students I dislike.
84.    I am always cold.
85.    A perfect Saturday is lying in bed, under the covers, watching bad TV or old movies.
86.    My favorite meal is roast beef and green beans a la my Mom.
87.    My favorite color is purple.
88.    I hate getting my picture taken because the minute a camera is near my neck seems to go into weird convulsions so I look gross.
89.    I haven’t had my hair professionally cut in 2 years.
90.    A teacher, like a parent, is not supposed to have favorites, but I do.  Sometimes I worry I make it very clear.
91.    Overachievers bother the hell out of me.
92.    People who claim to be overachievers bother me even more.
93.    I yell at people when I drive.  And curse.  A lot.
94.    I love Jimmy Stewart.
95.    I am terrible at video games.
96.    I hate calling people on the phone.
97.    Today, I am wearing a sort of brown and black plaid pair of paints and grey striped socks with black shoes.  I look atrocious.  My students laugh
98.    I drive on empty as long as possible because I hate pumping gas.
99.    My favorite alcoholic beverage is a Long Island Iced Tea.
100.    I spent almost my entire lunch break on this.

 

Stream-of-Consciousness

R. is sick with the flu, which means shortly I will be too. A fun little sick rhyme for all of you!

It’s BUTT-LOVIN’ cold in this damn 150 year old building. I like old things, but I prefer my toes to not fall off.

I’m planned through Thursday of next week, totally graded, and just want to go home. Why did I not bring blankets and pillow for a lunch period nap?

Oooh I finally figured out how to put my writing links in the sidebar!!!

One contact is sticking and making my vision all blurry making it hard to read/type.

Imagine if James Joyce chose these topics for his stream of consciousness.

 

Witty Repartee

R. and I are not the most intellectual people in the world.  I think I was at one time, but then I started teaching teenagers and all that intellect hit the road for a more worthy vessel.  Yet, our original, deep conversations are so one of the reasons I am marrying this man.

R: Funeral home people are creepy.

Me: I know, I still vividly remember the funeral home guy at my Grandma’s visitation.

R: Yah, this guy had like a bald head and then the long hair in the back.  He was creepy.

Me:  Yah, I know… they’re just so… creepy.  They’re nice and all, but.

R: They’re a way-too-creepy nice.

Me: Exactly.

I can’t wait to see how smart our kids are going to be!

Operation Healthy Front:

I did not work out yesterday.  The bed was far more inviting.  But, I ate relatively well.  Spaghetti for dinner.  Then I convinced R. that I should make Rice Krispy treats because cereal and marshmellows have very little fat or calories.  And then he saw me sneaking the butter in and he wasn’t happy… and then we ate 1/2 the pan.  But, hey, it’s better than the brownies I REALLY wanted.

Lunch Today:

Turkey on a whole wheat bun, a few SMALL slices of cheese, carrots, a zesty dill pickle, Diet Chery Coke and the Rice Krispy treat!  I had grapes as well, but was hungry around 10 and gobbled them up for a mid-morning snack.  Today I promise to work out!