Adult Socialization

I am not a very social person.  I have always been quiet in crowds and slow to warm up to people.  Now, don’t get me wrong–once I warm up you can’t quiet me.  I am a wild woman.

For instance, I moved to the STL area in 8th grade.  I knew no one, and though some lovely girls befriended my painfully shy little self, I still barely talked at school.  EVER.  Then, these lovely friends threw a birthday party-SLUMBER PARTY.  Even my painfully shy self (then and now) can’t resist the sugar and all-nightering for a slumber party–so that wild self came out.  I can still remember the yearbook entries claiming they thought I never spoke until that slumber party–and now they knew I was not mute.

I am better than my 8th grade self, for the most part, but I think it’s because I stick with “the known” and very rarely branch out.  Occasionally, my old high school/college friends get together.  Occasionally, R. and I will meet another couple for a casual dinner or a Cards game.  That is the extent of my socialization.  It’s comfortable, I like it, and I rarely have to meet more than one new person.

But, not tonight.  Tonight, I am going to a trivia night with a table full of of R.’s coworkers and R.’s Coworker’s wives.  I know one couple, but have never met the other two.  It all sounds very foreign and adult.  Things my PARENTS do–not me.  I am not nervous about the trivia, because Lord knows I will blow everyone away with my amazing skills of completely useless knowledge (woo!).  But, I am nervous about the social part of it.  The interacting with a group of people–adult people–and acting like I’ve got my shit together when, let’s face it, I don’t!  That part freaks me out a little.

Also, I don’t know what to wear.  Fashion was never my strong suit either.

 

Input/Output

I want to take a moment to thank everyone for all the comments left on the last post.  It gave me a lot to think about and consider!  I’m working on some changes, but nothing too major and I’ll keep you updated.

In the meantime, I am still recovering from the Cards game last night.  2 beers and not getting home until past midnight basically knocked me on my butt.  Lordy, am I old.

Luckily, tonight is Wednesday night which means terrible reality show marathon.

 

Contemplating Change

It’s about the 6 month mark of this blog.  Traditionally, I start to get itchy staying in one place.  Either it’s a loss of focus, or a change of focus, or just a need to move on.  That itch is here, though it’s a different itch than usual.

My usual experience is to ditch the old blog, start a completely new one from scratch with zero readership.  I don’t want to do that this time.  I like this blog, I like what I am writing about, and I like that there’s a few people who comment on my blog encouragingly, wonderfully–and whose blogs I like to frequent in return.  I don’t want to run away from that, I like that.

But, I am not totally satisfied with the WordPress experience.  I LOVE the design and the layout, which is why I am contemplating staying.  But, it is difficult to add things that I would like to add.  I spent about 3 days trying to figure out how to get my twitters on here.  I signed up for Google Adsense only to find out that I can’t put ads on a wordpress blog.  I have yet to figure out how to put a button/badge/etc on here.

I’ve done Blogger before, and I love it’s ease of use for me because I don’t get web design at all.  However, I am not totally down with the aesthetics of Blogger.  Also, there are many features of WordPress (like their stats and dashboard page) that I find way better than Blogger.

Then, I begin to wonder if this is just that 6 month itch and if adsense is really necessary and if those buttons would only clutter my space, man.

So, I am going back and forth.  Trying decide what are the things I want most out of my blog.  Looking into different things.

And I guess the reason I am posting this is because I am looking for advice/suggestions/help/ideas on how to proceed.

 

Hope for the Day

This is how little hope I have for this day: I brought a 1 pound bag of skittles as part of my lunch. FOR ME ONLY.

In completely unrelated news, THIS is a post that gets viewed every day. I had no idea that baseball attire was something that SO MANY needed guidance on. Most searches that bring people here are what TO wear to a baseball game, but I think my what NOT to wear aids in that decision. Who knew I was so informative.

(Blame May NaBloPoMo for this post).

 

Cinco De Mayo Meme

It actually has nothing to do with Cinco De Mayo, except that today is in fact the 5th of May.  I like to say it Cinco De May-o–phonetically, because that is how my Grandpa says it and it cracks me up.

Anyway, today could not be a better day for a meme, because my brain power has all been sucked out of me by grading 18 year old thoughts.  That’s a hard job, man.

So thanks to Ms. Julie for tagging me.  I can’t resist a good meme (I have no idea why)

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?

10 years ago I was sixteen.  I was busy hating my sophomore year of high school for a lot of reasons.  I don’t remember any of them now, but I do remember standing outside waiting for the bus with my friend Candace, both of us discussing how horrible the year was.  Maybe it was riding the bus.  Maybe it was geometry.  Despite 16, I was avoiding getting my license, because I am that weird kid who hates to drive.  I was looking forward to the summer and not doing anything except babysit my little sister and blare Sarah McLaughlin with my door shut.  I was angsty.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

1. Grade 7 ten-page essays (I can see the light at the end of the tunnel)

2. Grade 3 classes worth of test writing

3. I would really love to finish my wedding thank yous, I am not sure this will happen.

4. Call my Mommy.

3) Snacks I enjoy:

-Fruity Candy (starburst, skittles, now & laters, jolly ranchers)

-Watermelon

-Nacho Cheese Doritos

-Cucumbers (when I’m feeling healthy-ha)

-Nachos

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

-Pay off all my debt, including my house.

-Let R. take me to DisneyWorld

-Renovate my Grandpa’s farmhouse

- Buy an old house in the country and live there in the spring.
5) Three of my bad habits:

-Procrastinating (Oh yah, I guess I need to add “work on thesis due tomorrow” to my to-do list.

-Being messy

-Internalizing slights and getting over-angry about them.

6) 5 places I have lived:
I have lived in over ten–here are 5 in no particular order
-Ottumwa, Iowa

-Kirksville, Missouri (TSU!)

-Omaha, Nebraska

-Bettendorf, Iowa

-Homewood, Illinois

7) 5 jobs I have had:

- Cashier at Casey’s General Store in K-ville

-tutor

-I was a waitress for all of 3 weeks–it was the worst experience of my life–both the pay and the alcoholic boss.

–Daycare teacher

- seasonal naturalist

6 peeps I wanna know more about:

I am not a good meme tagger, but here’s a few:

Wegrit

Gibsondog

Bri

 

10 Unfortunate Things

1. It is raining

2. I realized last night as I sat in the stands at Busch watching Rick Ankiel be his AWESOME self that it is now semi-awkward to say things like “I want to marry Rick Ankiel.”

3. NO HOT DOGS!

4. Eventually finding a hot dog, and the stomach ache that ensued.

5. Being out until 12am when you have to awaken 5 1/2 hours later and explain to one of your students that illegal immigrants are all rapists is NOT a valid argument. (TRUE STORY)

6. It is REALLY raining

7. Apparently, there’s this thing called my wedding happening in 10 DAYS.

8. I did not pack Starburst in my lunch

9. My ziploc bags make my sandwich taste funny.

10. It appears to still be raining.

 

Dellusions

*I have been wearing bright, short sleeved shirts all week in the hopes that my wardrobe choices would rub off on the weather.

*I will someday be able to be a stay-at-home Mom

*Credit Card debt is a necessity.

* Someday it will all fall into place.

*If I ignore it, it will go away.

*It’s someone else’s fault.

 

Rehearsal

When I turn out the lights for good old beddy bye, my brain rarely agrees with the clock.  My brain begins to jump, run, and flail in exultation.  Night time is here!  Time to be alert.  For whatever reason, my brain just does not acknowledge that I am an adult now and can’t sleep past 6am.

Instead, it runs through a rehearsal of every life event that might possibly come into play.  I silently monologue how I will lecture my students if A and B do not happen.  I practice what I will say at the wedding to different people.  I think of what I might say if R. did something particularly heinous.  I channel outrage and love and concise wit.  My brain is at its best as my body tries to wrest itself to sleep–tossing and turning as the wheels in my brain keep spinning going over conversations that will probably never happen.  In that hour before I fall asleep I argue my way out of tickets, I sing lullabies to my future children, I practice stories for my future grandchildren, and go through my Academy Award speech (for best original screenplay, of course).

What I wouldn’t do for a gloriously blank mind.

 

Mount Everest

This evening, I introduce you to my Mt. Everest of the spring break:

This is the large walk in closet–a major selling point of our 1 bed/1bath apartment. Selling point unless you are like me and R. –pack rats who cannot clean to save our lives–therefore all crap gets shoved into the huge closet. I should be ashamed of this picture, but really… I am a girl who found a moldy bologna sandwich at the bottom of her locker at the end of my 9th grade year. I’m disgusting–I don’t know what to do about it. I just hope there’s no bologna sandwiches in the closet.

Since we are moving in less than a month, my big spring beak project is to clean out this Everest of messes. Luckily, R. tackled the laundry issues these past few days –of course that just means that all those clothes on the floor now need to fit on shelves and hangers.

Can I tell you some of the fun contents of this ridiculous mess?

-gun

-fly fishing pole

-3rd grade language arts workbook

-2 bridesmaid dresses

-cowboy hat

-viking hat (a la flava flave)

-monkey Easter basket

-light fixture

I don’t know where I am going to put most of those things. In fact, I am afraid to even start this project (why do you think I am writing this post?) But, it is going to have to get done SOMEtime before April 16th… it might as well be tonight. Wish me luck. I’ll be consulting my Sherpas along the way, and I may need to send for some oxygen or a pick ax. If I do not return, count me felled by an avalanche of boxes of old yearbooks and letters. Adieu!

 

Woe is Me

I have written about 4 posts that can be summed up this way:

I am feeling pathetic.  I am wallowing in pity for myself and myself alone.  Oh, poor me.  Boo-hoo.

Then, I delete each moaning, self-indulgent post and stare at a blank screen, asking myself what boils down to this:

What do I want?  What do I want?  What do I want?  And more importantly, How Do I Get It?

And over and over again my brain slams itself against the walls of my skull and says, I DON’T KNOW–YOU SUCK.

No one wants to read that post.

Write, Bitch, Delete, Scoff, Write, Bitch, Delete, Scoff.