I am usually really into Christmas and New Year’s Eve. I throw myself into the holiday spirit full force. This did not happen this year. My job and engagement had just about squelched all the energy out of me, so my holidays were very low-key.

And, now it is 2008 and I have done no 2007 reliving and no 2008 goal making. It is any other day waaay too close to work starting back up.

My goals for Christmas break did not happen. (I did read one book, Stephen Colbert’s “I Am America, And so Can You!” But, I really wanted to get a Nora Roberts novel under my belt and I just couldn’t do it). My sleep schedule was just as out of whack and not so relaxing as before break and I still have no idea how or when I am going to get married.

As R. said last night, 2008 is going to be a big year for us. My Mom echoed these sentiments. I wish that made me happy, but it just stirs up all the fear and guilt and fear. What do I really want for my wedding? Can I handle the responsibility of a house? Can I grow as a teacher?

My usual New Year optimism is strangely missing.