I had a weird dream last night.  And, I wish I said that much less than I do.  The fact is, I have a weird dream almost every single night.  I think it must be hereditary.  I come from a long line of “I had a weird dream last night”-ers.  I still remember my Grandma telling me one morning about a dream she had the night before in which she had forced my uncle to go to one of those anti-gay “camps” or wherever uber-Christians send their kids to become ungay.  My uncle was not gay–nor would my Grandma have ever send him to an ungaying session.

At least once a week, my Mom and I share our crazy dreams and try to top each other.  I usually win.  Aparrently in this dream hereditary thing, it gets worse with each passing generation.  So far my youngest sister hasn’t surpassed me, but I have fears that, with age, she will.

Still, my weird dreams come in such varying shapes in sizes, I’ve decided to share with you my Weird-Dream hierarchy.

Vague:  These are the dreams that are weird, but really not that out of the ordinary.  Like when I dreamed that a student was chewing gum and I told him to spit it out and he kept pretending to do it without actually doing it and eventually I was forced to give him a detention–but the detention form made no sense.  I have no gum chewing rules in my classroom and there are no detentions let alone forms for them.  These can be fun ones to tell.  There’s nothing threatening about them, they’re usually the product of brain on overdrive.

TV/Movie Inspired: I get these a lot–especially when I’m really obsessed with a show.  In 8th grade I had a dream that I stalked David Schwimmer at 6 Flags, and I got on an elevator with him (at 6 Flags).  I also used to be obsessed with the soap Another World and when Marley had Vicky captive in a cage somewhere underground, I had a dream that I saved her and reunited her with Jake.  Awesome.  These can be combined with another type.  Like TV Inspired/Bad–when I dreamed that my Dad was a quantum leaper and leaped into JFK and then got shot in the SUB at Truman–although I think he leaped out in time to not get shot, you know.  Oh, Quantum Leap.

Bad:  These are where something bad happens.  It’s not necessarily horrible, or it is horrible but in my dream it doesn’t feel horrible.  For instance, I had a dream that my uncle stole all my Grandma’s jewelry and set fire to little places on her yard.  There was no imminent danger here, we went after him to get the jewels and so on.  Bad, but not distressing

Icky: Sometimes there are just dreams that creep me the f*&^ out.  Like, sleeping with someone else or something gross.  These don’t happen very often, thankfully.  And sometimes I can’t quite remember them, I just wake up with that skwiky feeling.

Horrific (fuzzy):  I think I hate these the most.  It’s where you wake up and you know something awful happened, but you can’t remember the specifics.  I had one of these last night.  It had something to do with my family camping out and some guy coming up to us, but I can’t remember the rest–I just woke up scared and heart pounding.

Horrific (clear): These are my nightmares.  But my nightmares are never just normal nightmares.  They’re mixes and twists and turns of crazy images and happenings.  One time I woke up and all I could remember was that R. had died (fighting in the Civil War, of course) and I was sitting on a beach in this hoop skirt being told the news.  I woke up and I could still see that visualization of me sitting on a beach (on a rocking chair) and the sinking feeling of death.

Sometimes my Hierarchy changes, or combines.  But almost every dream is a weird one–some crazy combination of eclectic things that jumble up my brain and cause me to feel as though I haven’t slept at all.  What I wouldn’t give for a nice normal dream.