lame jeopardy stories


If you have wordpress, you know that there is a stat counter with a “best day ever” mark that notes the day and amount of your most blog views.  Already by 7am, today was my “best day ever.”  Why?

Apparently, people really like gazelles.

Months ago, I wrote a post about a guy on Jeopardy who talked about his gazelle-loving girlfriend and traipsing around New York with a life sized stuffed gazelle and how I thought was a LAME story.  Then, yesterday someone posted a picture of a girl with a life sized stuffed gazelle, apparently on a NYC street as a comment to that post.  Since then, this old post has gotten over 40 views (to some of you this may not seem  lot, but this blog averages 10 views a day).

If I knew anything about gazelles I would write a blog devoted to them, because apparently they have a large following.

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If the most interesting thing you can say about yourself on your SECOND story-day on Jeopardy is that you quote movie lines in regular conversation a lot–you seriously, SERIOUSLY need to get out more.

Please tell me Alex Trebek did not just say you HAVE to be a man to enjoy the Three Stooges.  Now, I do not enjoy the Three Stooges, but I still think I can have some feminist outrage at this little tidbit.  Surely there are women out there that not only can but do enjoy the Three Stooges, douchebag.

I hate when Jeopardy has their teen tournament.  HATE IT.  Because, honestly, it scares me.  As smart as these kids are, as many things they know that I may not, there are still questions that amaze me.

Yesterday, if you were watching, our Final Jeopardy question for the teen tournament (SENIORS AND JUNIORS in high school) was as follows:

The only state that, when spelled correctly, has a diacritical mark.

Conestant #1: Massachusetts  (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Honestly, I didn’t know what a diacritical mark was, but I sure as hell knew it was some kind of MARK)

Contestant #2: New Mexico (I am still in shock no one is getting this, but at least New Mexico has a space–one could POSSIBLY think that’s what diacritical mark meant.

Conestant #3: I have no idea.  (This kid had 50,000 dollars!  He was a genius, he ripped through every category and he couldn’t make a GUESS?  Unacceptable!)

Do you know the answer?  Please tell me that after a few seconds you could figure it out.  Because honestly, you don’t really need to know the “answer” per se, you just need some critical thinking skills.  What is a state that has some kind of mark in it.  Oh, I don’t know–how about…

 HAWAI’I ???????

Really, this scares me.   I have visions of future presidents who not only don’t know foreign countries, but haven’t the slightest clue that we have 50 states or what those 50 states are.  I was actually going to ask this is a bonus point on my speech quiz today, but then it had to go “precipitate” and apparently that warranted another snow day.

I often wonder if the producers of Jeopardy ask the contestants to think up the most boring, mundane, inane stories to tell the audience.  To me, that can be the only explanation.  Surely, people are not this vapidly boring.  Surely not every contestant is the most stereotypical nerd you could possibly put into three dimensions.

Now, let’s say you’ve won ten days in a row.  Then, maybe then, you start with the inane stories.  THEN I could understand because–hey–I am not sure I could come up with ten interesting little anecdotes about myself.  But, it seems to me, on your first trip to Jeopardy you should not be telling stories of how your “girlfriend” is a “gazelle fan” and has a lot of “gazelle memorabilia” and so in New York you bought a life-sized impala and carried it through the subway and bus back to home in Boston.  Surely, SURELY, you have done something of more interest.  Surely, you have written a thesis or grown a flower or watched Jeopardy since you were in diapers.  Maybe you conducted an interesting experiment or did some important research.  Maybe you wrote a book or a poem or went to the World Series.  Maybe you did ANYTHING more interesting than carry a stuffed gazelle around New York City.  I’ve never been to NYC, but I doubt that’s out of the ordinary.

I have caught a handful of Jeopardy episodes the past few weeks and, MAN, have those people been bringing a whole new level of lame. From the sign language lady to the guy whose school got a grant (my favorite part of this story was Alex trying to make it interesting, “Did you have to do anything special to get it?” “Just paperwork.”), it’s been bad. In celebration of its badness, a lame Jeopardy story this Thursday for you all.

Alex: Nicole, I see that you can’t eat tuna fish.

Me: No, Alex, I sure can’t.

Alex: Don’t like the taste?

Me: Oh, I love the taste. I used to be able to eat one of those full-sized cans, but then my sophomore year of high school I started violently puking every time I ate tuna.

Alex: Oh…okay.

Me: Every time I tried to eat again, the projectile vomit would start and I’d be sick in bed for two days.

Alex: Yes, well, let’s get on with the game!

Operation Healthy:

I worked out yesterday, though not as hard as I probably should have. We finished off those Rice Krispy trearst with our delicious green leafy lettuce salad with cucumber, red onion, and red pepper and a garlic/lemon chicken breast on top. R. also partook in some fresh pineapple, not my fave. All in all a good day.

Today’s lunch is some leftover salad with a pitiful amount of chicken you can’t even see–the cucumbers, onions an peppers are also in there but hiding. The dressing I use I am mildly obsessed with–Kraft’s Caesar Vinaigrette with Parmesan. I could do without the Parmesan but they don’t give me that option. It’s 5 grams of fat per 2 TBSP but I am convinced it’s better than a creamier based dressing (and don’t tell me different). On the side, grapes, tortilla chips, the diet cherry coke, and a Hostess 100 calorie pack of CUPCAKES. I hid these from R. so he wouldn’t eat them all, mwahaha.

A mix of finally having a wedding date (in 3 months!!) and trying to play Call of Duty 4 (I get motion sickness any time I try to play those shoot-y war games) has made my brain explode.  In order to fix myself, I plan on making Jell-O salad a la my Grandma– cherry Jell-o plus cut up apples.  (Grandma would have added grapes, but I’ve none on hand).

(There is this really, really annoying lady on Jeopardy today.  Her story: Her and her daughter are learning sign language.  When asked why, she replied “for the fun of it.”  If I was Alex, I would have punched her).

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